Things I Love (and Dislike) About Airplanes, Hotels, and Long Car Rides

Things I Love About Airplanes

First of all, I love airports.  I love that feeling you get when you pass through security and you know you're about to embark on a really cool journey.  I love watching planes take off.  I love seeing planes land safely.  I love all the neat stores and restaurants in the terminals.  I especially love the stores that sell snacks and books.  There's nothing better than having your pick of a good book and a delicious snack.  I love traveling with a group of friends and taking a bunch of silly pictures while you're waiting for your flight.

There is also a part of me that loves traveling by airplane.  I love that I feel like some amazing daredevil whenever I board a plane.  I love being able to sit and watch the world pass by while I listen to my iPod (that goes for car rides also).  I love seeing clouds from a new perspective.  I love that you get free snacks and drinks.  I love that flying gives me not only the opportunity to see new places but also to step outside of my comfort zone (in other words, off the ground).

At the Alamo.

Things I Dislike About Airplanes

Since the word "hate" is very strong and I want to reserve it for things I actually hate (such as flying cockroaches and Hagrid from Harry Potter), I'm going to use the word "dislike" instead.  I don't like that feeling you get when your ears pop.  I don't like being closed in such a small space with so many people, especially if I don't know them.  I don't like hate turbulence.  I don't like feeling like the plane is slowly slipping backwards.  I especially don't like that I get dizzy almost every single time the plane makes that leap through the clouds.

Things I Love About Hotels

In high school, I went on a lot of band trips.  Yeah, I was one of the cool kids.  Anyway, we stayed in a lot of different hotels.  Most of them were great.  Some of them, eh.  The last hotel I stayed in was one of the "eh" ones.  Still, there are several things that I love about hotels.

I love the way hotels smell.  It's sort of a cool, clean, citrusy smell.  I love that most hotels have really great swimming pools.  I love that most hotels have really nice bathrooms and bathtubs.  I love the way the sheets and pillows are always cold.  I love the free soaps and shampoos you get.  I love how it feels to live out of a suitcase.  I love that most hotels give you a free breakfast.  I really, really love breakfast.    

Things I Dislike About Hotels

I don't like sleeping in the same room as other people.  I really don't like sharing beds with other people.  I know, I'm going to make a great wife one day.  I don't like it when you can hear other people moving around in the middle of the night.

Things I Love About Long Car Rides

I love looking out the window and watching clouds, places, and signs pass by.  I love listening to music.  I love stopping at fun roadside places like gas stations.  I love driving at night and early in the morning.  I love how your mind seems so much freer on the road.  I love having my notebook with me on the open road and jotting down new ideas.  I love the stupid jokes and road trip games that stem from being in the car for too long.

Things I Dislike About Long Car Rides

There isn't a lot I don't like about long car rides, unless we're talking more than say, sixteen hours.  Band trip to Disney World in high school took a grand total twenty-two hours and I didn't sleep once on the road.  I can't sleep in cars or in planes.  The only thing I don't like about long car rides is having to use a lot of fast food restrooms.   

*All photographs © copyright by Jacqueline E. Smith. 

9 Chapters In

And I am done.

I knew it was going to be bad.  I knew it was a Twilight fan fiction.  But I just can't finish.  I don't even want to write my critical essay anymore.  I might eventually, but as of right now, I have wasted a good five hours of my life on that book.  From now on, I vow to only read high-quality literature.

That's all for now.  I have to go cleanse my brain of that rubbish.    

The Walk of Shame

Okay.  I did it.

I ended up having to buy "the book" at Target because the library's waiting list is apparently a hundred miles long.  It would have been cheaper on my Kindle, but according to my author friend, buying books on Kindle gives more money to the author and in this case, I don't want to do that.  Besides, now if I really hate it, I can sell it to Half Price Books.  Also, it was 20% off, so that was nice.

So yeah, my sister and I strolled casually into Target, meandered over to the books, and after checking to make sure no one was watching, snatched the second to the last first book of the series off the shelf.  I hid it beneath my purse until I got to the check-out line.  The old guy at the register must have noticed my look of pure and utter self-loathing because he asked, "Ah, buying a dirty book?"

I had it all in my head that I was going to lie and say it was a present for my aunt or something, but of course, I switched over to don't-judge-me defensive mode.  "I just want to write about it, I swear!"

Like that guy cared why I was buying it.  To him, I was probably just another single (read: "lonely") girl hoping to fill the void in her life with a probably not-so-healthy dose of literature porn.  Still, buying that book was more embarrassing than the time I ran to the store and only bought tampons and a bottle of wine.  Yeah, I was having a rough day.

And with that being said, I'm off.  Let's see what makes Christian Grey so darn delicious.  Besides the fact that he's basically Edward Cullen in a business suit.      

50 Shades of Curiosity

So lately, I've been hearing a lot about the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy.  Apparently, they're bestsellers.  They also supposedly began their existence as a Twilight fanfiction.  Here's what I'm thinking.  They can't be good.  Period. 

My sister and I, out of sheer curiosity, picked up one of the books and turned to a random page.  We both laughed aloud in the middle of the store based on what we read.  Hint: It was about sex.  Now I enjoy a good romance novel.  Heck, I've read all but two of Nicholas Sparks' collection of girly, sappy novels, but that's a whole other blog post.  But what I saw on that one page... it was enough to make me cringe and laugh at the same time.  I put the book back on the shelf, fully intending to forget it existed.  Something inside, however, couldn't let it go.  I am so genuinely curious what it is about these books that have women thinking they're so amazing and men calling them shameless pornography.

Here's what I know about the books.

1) They started off as Twilight fanfiction.  In fact, the only things that separate Bella from Anastasia (Anastasia?  Really?) are their age, occupation, and names.  Bella is a plain, klutzy, Oh-I-Just-Don't-Fit-In high school student whereas Ana is a plain, klutzy, Oh-I-Just-Don't-Fit-In college student.

2) Women, even feminists, love these books, even though Christian supposedly "buys" Ana's existence, basically giving him authority over everything she does.  Feminists argue that it's great that women are being encouraged to explore their sexuality and get a little kinky (these are BDSM novels).  Now I'm no bra-burner, but I definitely don't adhere to the perfect housewife image.  I guess, as always, I'm pretty moderate.  Anyway, I can't imagine what it is about these books that make feminists believe anything about them are good ideas.

3) They're currently trying to turn it into a movie.

Here's what  kind of want to do.  If I can find some way to get these books for free (I don't want to buy them... especially in public), I want to read them and write a critical essay.  See, I just graduated with my Masters.  I can do that.  In fact, I love sharing my opinion on things.  It's one of my favorite past times.  I want to know if the books are worth the hype, if the feminists are any sort of justified in thinking this is a good, empowering series, and just how many similarities I can draw between them and the Twilight series.  If they turn out to be fantastic, Earth-shattering novels, I would be happy to admit it.  However, I'm afraid based on the short excerpt that I've read on my Kindle, that's not going to happen. 

If I find them at the library, I'll let you know.

Creepy Things

I was watching the Prince of Egypt the other night.  I love that movie, and I especially love the music.  I wish Dreamworks would pull a Disney and make it into a Broadway musical.  Anyway, there's this part near the very end of the song "Playing with the Big Boys" where the God Snake/Moses's staff eats the other two snakes/the priests staffs.  As a kid, that used to freak me out.  Something about the way the snake throws it's head back and swallows the two still-wriggling tails really gave me the heeby-jeebies.  That got me thinking about all the weird stuff that used to creep me out as a kid. 

1)  E.T.  When I was little, nothing, and I mean nothing scared me more than the thought of E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial.  When I was 3 years old, my parents bought the VHS for me, thinking that I would fall in love with E.T. like so many other children had.  The sat me down on their bed, turned the lights off, and popped in the video.  When the movie stared, I was apprehensive to say the least.  I didn't like the idea of weird things that I couldn't see creeping around in the dark.  I really didn't like the idea of space ships.  I thought they would kidnap me and take me away to outer space and I'd never see Earth again.  When the movie zeroed in on E.T. for the first time, however, I was done.  His feet, his gnarly fingers, his creepy breathing, everything about him sent shivers down my little spine, and I hadn't even seen most of him!  I spent the better part of my childhood avoiding the sweet little alien at all costs.  That was easier said than done.  I was kind of a nerd growing up and I loved outer space.  I had one picture book that I think I got through a school book order form.  What I didn't know was that on the very last page, along with a whole page on alien life, there was a large picture of E.T., smiling and waving.  I gasped, slammed the book shut, and threw it onto the ground.  My friend, who was with me at the time, told me that E.T. was probably hiding in my room somewhere.  That scared me so much that I couldn't set foot in my room until my dad had thoroughly inspected my closet and the area underneath my bed. 

I am happy to report that today, I have successfully overcome my fear of E.T.  However, I like the new, CG version of him a lot better than the puppet.  The puppet is sill a little creepy to me.

Not creepy until you realize there's a bullet casing next to the butterfly.

2)  The Cave of Wonders from Aladdin.  Now Aladdin was one of my absolute favorite movies as a kid.  I had a stuffed Rajah, I had the Barbie dolls, I had all the play sets, I had a Princess Jasmine costume, I even named my kitten Jasmine (in fact, she's still with us today!).  For some reason, however, that gigantic talking tiger head that demanded to know who disturbed his slumber scared the daylights out of me.  It was a few years before I could watch Aladdin from start to finish.

3)  Who Framed Roger Rabbit?  I have no idea why this movie scared me.  In fact, I don't even remember the movie.  I remember watching it once as a kid, being scared of it, and deciding never to watch it again.  Who or what it was about this movie, I can't say.  All I know is that I can not look at an image of Roger Rabbit or that chick in the red dress and not be slightly distressed.

4)  Yoda.  Oh my gosh.  That scene in the swamp.  Scary as hell.  I think I saw it on Muppet Babies or something.  To this day, I have not seen the original Star Wars trilogy because that freaking puppet scares me to death.  The CGI Yoda is a little better, but I still don't like his voice.

5)   PeeWee Herman.  He's still on my top five list of Things that Scare Me.  I must have watched his show when I was little, because one night, I dreamt that he stole my bicycle and drove away in his weird little car.  Even if I hadn't had that dream, I'd still think he was creepy. 

6)  Splinters.  When I was in preschool, our playground was mostly wood.  One day, I came home with handfuls of splinters and my mom spent the entire afternoon tweezing them out of my palms and fingers.  21 years later, I am still extra cautious when touching any sort of fence or rickety piece of wood. 

7)  The Black Hole at Hurricane Harbor/Wet N' Wild.  It looked like a space ship and I just knew that the minute I set foot in it, it would fly away and I'd be lost in space forever.  I have since ridden and enjoyed it, but I'm still a little apprehensive.

8)  The giant net at Discovery Zone.  Sadly, Discovery Zone is not longer with us, but I once got my foot caught in the giant white net that overlooked the ball pit.  For a few bleak seconds, I really thought I was going to die in that net.

9)  Urban legends.  My friend Kat and I were on the phone one day and she told me a bunch of urban legends, all of which were so scary that I couldn't go to sleep at night until I'd checked my closet and underneath my bed.  I was probably twelve or so when she told me the stories.  I didn't break the habit of checking my bed and closet until a few years ago. 

10)  Throwing up.  It's gross and I knew no one likes it, but I used to cry my little eyes out if I or anyone around me threw up.  When I was 9, I caught a particularly nasty stomach virus.  That day, I made a vow to myself that I would never throw up again.  I'm 24 now, and I have yet to break that vow.  *Knock on wood, knock on wood, knock on wood* 

*All photographs © copyright by Jacqueline E. Smith.

10 Days in Scotland: Part 1

Short history lesson for those who don’t know or have never seen The Tudors:  The Episcopal Church here in the United States (also apparently known as PECUSA) originates way back in the age of King Henry VIII.  He wanted to divorce his wife Catherine of Aragon and marry Anne Boleyn, but the Catholic Church wouldn’t allow that.  So good old King Henry decided to create his own church; the Church of England.   After the American Revolution, the Episcopal Clergy of Woodbury, Connecticut elected Samuel Seabury to become the first American Bishop.  He traveled to England, where he hoped to be consecrated.  He was denied, however, because as an American citizen, he could not swear an oath of allegiance to King George III.  The Scottish Episcopal Church, however, refused to recognize the authority of the King and was only too happy to consecrate an American.  Thus, in Aberdeen, Scotland, Samuel Seabury became the first American Bishop of the Episcopal Church.  To honor our heritage, the youth group out at my church took a Pilgrimage to Scotland last summer.  I was very privileged to be able to accompany them as a sponsor.   

The Chalice used at Bishop Seabury's Consecration. We all got to take Communion from it.

If I may, I’d like to begin this entry with a cliché.  The ten days I spent in Scotland were undoubtedly ten of the most magical days of my life.  In some ways, they were also ten of the most challenging days of my life.  But most of all, they were ten of the most enlightening days of my life.  (I’m beginning to feel like I’m quoting that weird book 50 Shades of Grey and I haven’t even read it).  

This picture really says it all.

 I learned that I can sit in an airplane for seven hours straight and not die.  That was a big one.  Flying has never been my favorite past time, which is odd because I love road trips.  I know my odds of dying in a car are a lot higher than those of dying in a plane, but I can jump out of a car.  I can’t jump out of a plane.  Well, yes I can.  But I won’t. 

I learned that I can eat foreign food and not die.  Anyone who knows me knows that I am not a very adventurous eater.  Not only am I excruciatingly wary of food I suspect of being undercooked, contaminated, or expired, I am also what my friend calls a “super-taster.”  In other words, I can’t eat anything spicier than french fries.  It was a really big day when I finally learned to enjoy chives on my baked potato.  Anyway, Scotland introduced me to a variety of new foods.

1. Scottish Breakfast: Eggs runny and sunny-side up, bacon (though cooked an entirely different way than American bacon), and Scottish hash browns (not sure what they’re called, but oh man, they were beyond delicious).  Scottish breakfasts come with beans, tomatoes, bread, and blood pudding also, but being the American girl that I am, the eggs, bacon, and hash browns were my favorite.  In fact, that breakfast was my very favorite thing to eat in Scotland.  I wish I could find it over here. 
2. Fish and Chips: Okay, you go to Europe, you have to try Fish and Chips.  Since our hostels provided all of our meals, however, I was a little worried that I wouldn’t get the opportunity to sample the legendary meal.  Fortunately, where there’s a will, there’s a way.  Day 5 or so found all of us in Inverness at the Highland Games.  The Games themselves were okay, but my sister and I definitely had more fun at the miniature carnival booths behind the, for lack of a better word, arena.  One of the very first booths was, you got it, a Fish and Chips vender!  We proceeded to “misplace” our brown-bag-hostel-provided lunches and purchased two large servings of fish and chips.  After slathering it in ketchup, we indulged, only to find that Fish and Chips actually tastes... exactly like American fried fish and french fries.  Later on, we were telling our priest about the experience and he asked us if we’d enjoyed the special vinegar or something like that.  As it turns out, that’s what really makes Fish and Chips.  My sister and I, in our eagerness, had completely overlooked it and in doing so, Americanized our would-be delightful European meal.  
3. Haggis: Believe it or not, I actually tried Haggis.  Again, you go to Scotland, you kind of have to.  I was shocked to discover that I actually enjoyed it.  The first time, anyway.  The second time, my stomach was so sick of hostel food that it was about ready to reject anything I tried to put in it. 

“Everything is cute in Scotland.”  From guys to cars to buildings to birds, everywhere we went, all of us girls found ourselves saying, “Oh my gosh!  He/that/it is so cute!”  Something I particularly loved was that I didn’t see one SUV or giant truck.  All of the cars are tiny and quaint.  

Gryffindor!

Slytherin!

A Writers Museum! How cool!

http://www.scotland-welcomes-you.com/greyfriars_bobby.html

Seagulls are literally everywhere in Scotland.  They also get very noisy at night and you’ll wake up in the middle of the night thinking that someone right outside your window is either laughing hysterically or being beaten to death (just for the record, Scotland is a very safe country).  

The watch you. Like this.

  *All photographs © copyright by Jacqueline E. Smith.