Celebrating Independence

In this post, I'm going to do something you are NEVER supposed do on the internet, and that is talk about my personal life.  Now the good news for me (bad news for interested readers) is that my personal life is REALLY boring.

On the Fourth of July, I, along with my family, went to watch fireworks.  And of course, I took a ridiculous amount of pictures of them.  As I was editing them, I knew that I needed to somehow incorporate Independence Day into my blog post.  The more I thought about it, however, the more I realized that there really isn't a whole lot I can say that a million other bloggers have already said.  I could, however, write about my own personal "independence," however.  So that's what I'm going to do.

 I'm twenty-four years old and single.  That's not some huge scandal or anything.  It's probably not even that shocking.  However, I am the odd one out among my particular group of friends.  Every one of my friends that I see on a regular basis is either married, engaged, or in a long term relationship (I'm talking going on five years).  Now, I'm not a total recluse.  I've dated, I have crushes, and I've even had one serious boyfriend.  But for some reason, at this point in my life, marriage, or even a serious relationship, holds very little appeal for me.  Don't get me wrong.  I'm a girl.  I fantasize about my wedding all the time.  But at this point in my life, I'm more excited about the ring and the dress and the party than I am about the actual marriage part.  

However, the other night, I was out with two of my oldest, dearest friends.  One has been married for a couple years now and the other is in the midst of planning her wedding which will take place this coming fall (I'm Maid of Honor, just for the record).  I listened to them talk about weddings, about their relationship with their guys, and I suddenly realized that I had absolutely nothing to contribute to the conversation.  I don't know what it's like to have that connection with someone (well, sometimes I think my sister and I can read each others minds, but that's not the kind of connection I'm talking about).  Now, I'm used to being the third wheel, sometimes even the fifth or seventh wheel (that is, unless I bring my sister along), and it never bothers me.  I remind myself that I have other things in my life that I'm concentrating on and that when I'm meant to find him, I will.  I have goals I need to focus on and, as I learned a few years ago with Serious Boyfriend, sometimes it's difficult to be a full time dreamer and a full time girlfriend.

That's something that chick flicks don't tell you, by the way.  They make it seem like you get everything when you get the guy at the end.  I call it the "Happily Ever After" moment, where the couple finally gets together and declares their love for each other.  That, however, is where most chick flicks end.  They make relationships seem so easy when, in reality, they never actually go into the "relationship" part of a romance.  Chick flicks focus solely on the chase and the inevitable victory where she ends up with the right guy.  That's the easy part in my opinion.  The hard part is what comes after.  It's the part the movies never show and quite frankly, it's the part I'm not very good at (yeah, yeah, I know, bad grammar).

This one looks like a hamburger.

 The other night with my friends, however, I realized it's something I want to be good at.  Maybe not right away.  I still have way too many things I want to do without having to worry about keeping a boyfriend happy.  And I'm so scatter-brained and in love with my "me time" that there's no way I could give anyone the time or attention that he deserves.  I do hope I'll one day be able to, and I think I will.  After all, I already have my wedding planned out.  It'd be a shame if I never got to, you know, go through with it.  Until that day comes, however, I'm not going to force anything.  There's nothing worse than being with someone just for the sake of being with someone.  If it's not right, no one will be happy and it will turn into some big emotional mess and honestly, who has the time or the energy for that?

I realize after going back and rereading this that I sort of sound like some stone-cold harpy with no capacity for love or emotions.  Not true.  I love my family, my friends, and my kitties with all my heart, and I sincerely hope that one day I'll find him to love too.  And I think I will.  I'm just not ready yet.  Maybe he isn't either, wherever, whoever he is.  I guess, in my group of friends, I'm just a late bloomer.  And that's okay.

*All photographs © copyright by Jacqueline E. Smith.